If I Were Bitten By A Radioactive Rink Rat...
If I were biologically re-engineered into a real hockey player...
Team: Montreal property of course, but I'd spend most of my time down on the farm with the Fredericton Canadiens.
Uniform Number: 2
Dream Defense partner: My talented little brother. Or Paul Coffey.
Rounding out the PP: The only way I'll get on the ice during a PP is by stepping out of the penalty box. On my way to the bench, I'd try to stay out of the way of Gretzky, Pavel Bure, and Saku Koivu.
Job: Staying at home to mop up the 2 on 1s and 3 on 1s left by my rushing partner, clearing the crease.
Signature Move: hip check.
Strengths: Skating, angling off attackers, stick press, poke check
Weaknesses: Puckhandling, lack of offensive instincts (think Brad Marsh but less skilled), apt to disappear for long stretches of the '06-07 season :)
Injury Problems? "flu"
Equipment: Craig Ludwig shin pads, longest wood stick I can find, tin foil.
Nemesis: Any quick little bugger with a good inside-out move. Ovechkin would eat me alive.
Scandal Involvement: Can't speak French.
Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: The Quebec Nordiques.
What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Etch swear words over the names of the Maple Leafs.
Would the media love me or hate me? No comment.