2007-02-01

If I Were Bitten By A Radioactive Rink Rat...

Now that's a low-down dirty trick to get me to post something.

If I were biologically re-engineered into a real hockey player...

Team: Montreal property of course, but I'd spend most of my time down on the farm with the Fredericton Canadiens.

Uniform Number: 2

Position: Defense

Nickname: Sudsy

Dream Defense partner: My talented little brother. Or Paul Coffey.

Rounding out the PP: The only way I'll get on the ice during a PP is by stepping out of the penalty box. On my way to the bench, I'd try to stay out of the way of Gretzky, Pavel Bure, and Saku Koivu.

Job: Staying at home to mop up the 2 on 1s and 3 on 1s left by my rushing partner, clearing the crease.

Signature Move: hip check.

Strengths: Skating, angling off attackers, stick press, poke check

Weaknesses: Puckhandling, lack of offensive instincts (think Brad Marsh but less skilled), apt to disappear for long stretches of the '06-07 season :)

Injury Problems? "flu"

Equipment: Craig Ludwig shin pads, longest wood stick I can find, tin foil.

Nemesis: Any quick little bugger with a good inside-out move. Ovechkin would eat me alive.

Scandal Involvement: Can't speak French.

Who I'd face in the Stanley Cup Finals: The Quebec Nordiques.

What I'd do with the Stanley Cup after our victory: Etch swear words over the names of the Maple Leafs.

Would the media love me or hate me? No comment.

2 Comments:

Blogger NYCWickedWrister said...

Would you play for the Penguins if they moved to Brooklyn?? We're trying to start a movement!

From the Igloo to Flatbush - pensinbk.blogspot.com

2/02/2007 5:16 PM  
Blogger CasonBlog said...

Just wanted to see if you would declare a Fatwa on me for pledging fantasy allgiance to the Habs.

2/06/2007 1:26 PM  

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