Stop! Hammer time!

Last time the Hurricanes were in Montreal, Rod Brind'amour stuck his head out the window of the team bus and got arrested for mooning. He's so ugly his momma had to get drunk before she breast-fed him!

Who's gonna score on the mighty Huet? Josef Vasicektomy? Impotent! Cory Stillman? Softer than the Pillsbury Doughboy! Staal's offense is gonna stall!

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I'm sorry. This just isn't working.

For starters, it's hard not to like this Carolina team. They were universally expected to suck, but came out flying in the new NHL and won their division with offense. Staal's a thrilling young player. Williams overcame some nasty injuries and has begun to fulfill his potential. Brind'amour has been a yeoman for years and is finally leading a winner. Same for Wesley on the blueline.

Secondly, and more importantly, it's a helluva lot easier to come up with dirt on this Montreal team than it is for the 'Canes. Habs fans, how many times do you want 25-9 thrown in our faces? "Oh, the regular season doesn't count anymore," you say? Remember the last playoff meeting? 8-2 Carolina. The meeting before that was 5-1 Carolina.

For every Hurricane I can diss, there must be three Habs ripe for a razz. Souray will be appearing on many star players' year-end highlight-reels (Briere and Spezza come immediately to mind). Then you have Mike Ribeiro's... antics. I posted awhile back about the mutual exclusivity of hockey players and thespians. Ribeiro is an exception. And if you can show me a Habs fan who hasn't wanted to pull his/her hair out in frustration after a lackadaisical backcheck by Alex Kovalev, I'll show you a Prozac abuser.

I will go this far: The 'Canes have a couple of soft forwards. In particular, Cory Stillman has been getting a lot of credit for their success this year. I don't buy it. He's a guy who puts up good numbers, yet continues to bounce around the lesser teams in the league. Yes, Carolina was still a lesser team when he signed. Sure he put up 80 points for the Bolts, but the team didn't even notice when he went AWOL in the playoffs. And for all that regular season scoring, he was the guy deemed expendable when the salary cap came a-knocking even though he would have cost far less than Tampa's big three. Oh, and he won't play hurt.

Ray Whitney is in the same category - along with Vinny Prospal, the Turgeons (Pierre and Syl), Craig Janney, Darren Turcotte , Ribeiro, etc - of stats guys who disappear in the playoffs. In the odd years they actually make the playoffs.

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Tom B is right on with Pat Quinn. You'd think his style would be perfect for the new NHL. I've said it before: The problem in T.O. was their on-ice personnel. You just can't mortgage the future forever.

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The Fish put together another nice read - this one featuring... Prime Minister Harper. I threw up a little bit in my mouth after typing that.

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Oh, how I missed playoff hockey! The first period of Ottawa-Tampa was awesome... until the 5-on-3. Of the 20 goals scored last night, 12 were on special teams and there was one ENG. Get the feeling that the NHL's "crackdown on obstruction" is turning into a euphemism for "lotsa penalties?" I'm not enjoying the PP deciding games.

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I'm off to see The Rocket this afternoon. Then, game #1 tonight! Woo!